Life changing concept. To become unbotherable.
This is not to suggest we stop caring. Not at all. If your teenager consistently misses curfew, of course you care, and need to clarify expectations and consequences.
But there are so many little irritants of no significance whatsoever that pop up throughout the day. Things like sorting the recycling, misplacing the nail clippers, finding an empty Kleenex box or the toilet paper roll is on backward. Insidiously increasing your daily stress. Slowly and silently eroding your tolerance and then, BAH, you snap regrettably at your spouse for leaving dishes in the living room. You blame it on stress at work. You blame it on untidiness. You blame it on ‘something’ out there. “ErH”
When I first encountered this concept, it was very early along the path of my de-stress quest. I started paying attention to how often I felt an “ErH-moment.” I was astounded, then disheartened. Am I so stressed that every-little-thing annoys me? All day long! Seriously? “Erh!” Truthfully, it added stress. But as I have already said, the first step to change is awareness. I was aware. Annoyingly aware!
It was not until I learned about self-coaching thought work I was able to effectively intervene.
It’s not ‘out there.’ It was in here (gesturing at my head.) It was me, torturing myself, with my thoughts. Anything that causes you stress, pain, overwhelm, anxiety, sadness, depression, resentment or “?whatever?” (fill in the blank) is because of your thought(s) about that thing. That thing is called your circumstance in coach speak. And your circumstances are always neutral. Always. More on this another blog.
Change your thought about that circumstance. It is the golden, diamond studded path of the de-stress quest, if not the secret to the universe. Change your thought and end your self-induced misery.
It is your thought(s) about the recycling that makes it irritating. It is your thought(s) about misplacing the nail clippers that annoy you. It is your thought(s) about the empty Kleenex box or toilet paper roll that frustrate you.
Seriously? Come on, really? Get a grip! You let an empty Kleenex box ruin your day? No. That is not what I am trying to illustrate. An empty Kleenex box pierces a tiny little pin hole – one of many, creating an imperceptible leak – in your resilience. All those tiny little irritants accumulate and deflate your resilience.
What if you decide those passing insignificant irritants were just not irritating? Sorting recycling is caring for the environment. Misplacing nail clippers means a manicure is in order. An empty Kleenex box, is just an empty Kleenex box. Toilet paper unrolls well either way, backward or not.
Change your thoughts! So freeing!
Sure. Change your thoughts – easy for the trivial annoyances, but what about real bonafide stressful problems? You lost your job. Your mother is sick and in hospital. Your husband wants a divorce.
Let’s work through an example. You lost your job. What are your thoughts? “I will never find another job.” “I won’t be able to provide for my family.” “I will miss the mortgage payment.” “Our savings will only last 4 months at the most.” The fact that you lost your job is not causing your stress. It is your thoughts about losing your job causing your stress. This sounds like I am splitting semantic hairs. But, the secret to the universe lies in the space between these semantic hairs.
Change your thoughts.
Is “I will never find another job,” a helpful thought? Will it help you build the vibrant and meaningful life you want? No and no. Instead of repeatedly replaying the ‘I-am-going-to-end-up-homeless-on-the-streets’ scenario, what is a helpful thought? What thought about losing your job will help you continue to build the vibrant and meaningful life you want? Focusing on the ‘I-am-going-to-end-up-homeless-on-the-streets’ scenario has no upside. Choose to think “A new opportunity awaits” or “I need a plan” or fill in “whatever works for you.” Focus on the ‘an-amazing-opportunity-awaits’ scenario. Problem solve from that opportunity awaits perspective. So much more helpful.
Change your thoughts. The secret to the universe!
Become unbotherable. The secret to the de-stress quest.
Buff it up, my friends
Dr Karen
Are you ready to Buff Up Your Brain? Ready to, lose weight, increase your mental clarity and polish up your thoughts? Let’s chat.
Email: DrKaren@karenbackwaymd.com
